Turn on the Lights

In the dark I feel beautiful. I can feel the subtle moisture of my lipstick and I know by memory the color that remains, stained. There’s a coarseness to my hair from the moist heat. I can feel it as I detangle the once styled locks, a reminder of a fruitless labor in the summer warmth. Even with my eyes closed I can see my reflection, the delicate black wisp extending from my eyes, an amber shimmer reflecting from the lids. And at the base of my chin, perfectly centered, is a single, solitude, obvious mole.

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder, “what can I do differently?”. “Am I eating healthy enough? Am I working out often enough?” And the likely answer, “you can do better.”

But aren’t I good enough as I am?!

Yes. But it takes a lot of convincing and endless reminders. I don’t need to impress anyone. Being healthy is important and I have personal standards, but I’m constantly comparing myself to other women, which isn’t healthy. And based off of what expectations?!

I sometimes savor those moments in the dark. I can’t point out the flaws. I can’t see the “problem areas”. But no one can live in the dark. We were meant to live in the light. And no matter how many times I feel inadequate, undeserving, and unattractive, there is only one whose opinion really means anything. And that’s Christ.

So let the light shine. My flaws are mine and God will accept me in spite of them, because he made me exactly as I am. And if that’s not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, I’ll repeat it so it sinks in. God made us exactly as we are. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take care of ourselves. I think it just means that nitpicking every single detail of your being in order to live up to unattainable expectations is constantly setting ourselves up for failure, disappointment, and darkness.

So, turn on a light. Your hair looks fab and that face… it’s just gorgeous.